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Sunday, July 20, 2003

Closing the "ice-cream gap," the Patriot$ way



Do you love gourmet ice cream but go without because you don't want to support those commie tree-huggin' hippie faggots who make Ben & Jerry's? Well, now you can fatten-up with Star Spangled Ice Cream, created specifically to counter the Liberal Bias of tasty ice cream manufacturers. Is it any good? I think Neal Cavuto's (of FOX News) celebrity endorsement, included on their website, says it all: "The Conservative counterpart to Ben & Jerry's is now out on the market." Their mail order pricing is incredibly patriotic--with four quarts costing only $76 (AKA "The Spirit of '76), they make America-haters out of Ben & Jerry's, who charge twenty dollars more! Finally, not only does Star Spangled have "funnier labels" with names such as I-hate-the-French Vanilla and School Prayerleens & Crème, but 10% of the proceeds go to as-yet-undetermined groups that help the Heroes protecting our freedom abroad (not some liberal groups who are destroying our Great Nation as we speak).

As far as I can determine (here, here, and here) this is not a joke; it's just more paranoia from the Reactionary-Right. I found this over at Flag-O-Rama, a brilliant site everyone should see.


I don't personally care if anyone manhandles the flag; I'm not particularly attached to symbols. My grievance is that the very same people who get worked up when someone burns the flag in an attempt to make some sort of statement seem to have absolutely no problem (generally speaking) with their precious flag being used for un-flagly purposes, such as clothing, umbrellas, and ice cream. If one looks at the US Flag Code, one can easily see that all those uber-patriots who condemn an act that rarely happens are the ones actually disrespecting the flag on a daily basis. Some proscribed activities relating to the flag:

(d) The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery. It should never be festooned, drawn back, nor up, in folds, but always allowed to fall free. ...
(f) The flag should never be used as a covering for a ceiling. (anyone who's ever been in more than a few college dorms has seen this happen)
(g) The flag should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature. (surely this includes superimposed images of bald eagles and Jesus)
(i) The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard. ...
(j) No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform. ...

All those no-nos happen every day; all one has to do to see them is go to Wal-Mart. And, you will notice, flag burning, unlike flag apparel, is not prohibited.


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